Four Main Reasons Why People Don’t Get What They Want and What to Instead

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 As I was reflecting that evening, I was thinking about major roadblocks I have had in my life.

As I felt mix emotions about those moments, my mind in late evening couldn’t stop me to look at the underlining threads.

What I came up with was 4 Main reasons that I wanted to share; hopefully you can relate and/or I hope this will serve you to some extent.

  1. The Number one reason that most people don’t get what they want is an obvious one, but that is so simple that it’s like the air we breathe, we don’t pay attention to I unless we are in real troubles.

Most people don’t know what they want and desire. It is the number one stumbling block of any major deliberate achievement.

There have been literatures from all era and cultures about this aspect of getting what we want.  A famous one is the saying that people without vision will perish from the bible; even most recent one is from Helen Keller a deafblind person who said “The only thing worse than being blind is having sight but no vision.”

Amazingly Stephen Covey the famous writer of the 7 habits of highly successful people- Had been coined with the idea of “Keep the end mind”.

Napoleon Hill the famous author of think and grow which is attributed to have created the most millionaire on planet is well known for the idea of “Definiteness of purpose” is a key to any success.

We could go on and on… but I hope that this drive the point home of why most people don’t succeed.

Now a natural follow up question is why people don’t know what they want- many reasons could contribute to that-I will be curious to hear yours.

Besides the fact that our education system doesn’t raise us that way, the reality is that many of us don’t stop to ponder for ourselves and ask those questions. As sad it is, many people might spend more time planning their next vacation than they would take time to think, plan about what they want in their own lives.

The second reason is that by nature human are more prominent to be driven by fears, than pleasure/desire, even tough at times the ratio (pain/pleasure) might be different but it makes sense as part our survival and our instinct wants us to stay alive. Which is why every human action indeed has underlined a positive intent (even tough we might not agree about the actions and behaviors interpretation). In every actions we’re seeking love or giving love in the goal of our existence.

For that reason, it’s easier to know what we don’t want because we’ve easily experienced it at some point and we want to run away from it; while what we want is most of the time an experience we haven’t experienced yet (reason why we want it), or if we have experience it, we forget that in the end all we are after is the “feeling”; so when we hold on to ONLY the experience we haven’t experience yet. It becomes harder to know what you want unless you’ve seen example or are applying active imagination to hold on what you want.

 

There are many ways, and technics to work on what you want that I have used personally and helped people with. Obviously that’s one important part of getting what we want.

 

  1. The second aspect that is a block for us to not get what we want is the most devastating cause and it’s almost a secret because it runs below our daily consciousness.

Most people don’t feel they deserve what they want.

This is powerful roadblock like an iceberg that stop many of us. It’s one thing to know what you want, and it’s another to know that you deserve what you want. It’s ambiguous because the “deserve” feeling or “having meter”, is like a thermostat of what we allow ourselves to receive. It’s power and hidden because it blends subconscious beliefs and our emotions and the way we feel NOT Only about ourselves but also about the goal we’re seeking.  You might be thinking like come on Soul; I am confident and I know I deserve.  Trust me, this became apparent to me recently through a deep acknowledgement and surrendering.

I saw a wealthy billionaire with his own private jet. I told myself yes that billionaire is not different than me and I deserve it too. BUT please stay with me here. Honesty is the first step to change. What I had to do was to slow down late that night when the only thing I could hear was the frog making noise. I was honest with myself. I had a picture of a private jet, and to be honest “rationally” I could see the plane, BUT feeling wise I couldn’t yet see myself tin that private jet. I felt a “not ready, or not enough, or not deserving yet” feeling that I had to acknowledge and come to surrender to.

I’m not ready to own a private jet at this point in time. Not that it matters whether it’s a private jet or whatever it is, I hope you understand that the point I’m making all about our “deserving meter”. The reality things we have in our lives, we had to raise that level of ownership feeling.

There’s nothing wrong to accepting that idea and be real with it. This why many traditions have claim that it’s all about the journey and not the destination.

I have finally understood why- Because , the journey is all about who you become- and hear me here, who you become is what NOBODY can take away from you! Because through those experiences your level of deserving is raised and can never go back. A portion of it could be called self-image, or identity, but in reality the narrow answer is that feeling of deserving and most people are NOT present to that feeling.

Let me suggest this clearly to you. Next time you have a new goal, ask yourself privately and honestly about your level of deserving. What is your blueprint (beliefs and emotions around your goals).

That is the only place where you cannot lie to yourself because if you do anyway, results are showing, what you truly “feel deserving” and it’s not wrong; it’s a matter of being aware of it.

  1. The third element of why people don’t what they want is the mechanics. The How

People not taking enough time to learn the mechanics and the skills needed to execute.

No need to spend much time but the reality is many people think it’s this issue, but in fact this is a small issue. Like Tony Robbins says. The problem is rarely in resources, but most importantly how resourceful are you?

  1. Finally, people don’t take actions. Which could be related to one of the issue cited above.

One of the easiest way to resolve this is to ask yourself by when you would resolve the steps you have determine as milestones

 

As I went by I realized that those would be the 4 main areas where we could stumble.

I would be curious to hear your feedback.

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