Anger and Frustration can be one of the best tool
for transformation if used appropriately.
Hopefully you agree that the last 3 words in this sentence are the most relevant in this sentence (if used appropriately). At this point, you are either angry at me or curious? How to Use Anger as a Great Tool for Management?
Like a gun, for the most part it could be used either to benefit the whole or to harm the whole. Why don’t we try to understand the tool so we can use it for and to our benefit?
Let’s review the definition of this feeling that is really not examined in our daily lives (even in anger management classes have a different perspective on this. According to merriam-webster dictionary.
Anger– is a strong feeling of being upset or annoyed because of something wrong or bad: the feeling that makes someone want to hurt other people, to shout.
If you look at the definition above there are few key pivotal lever to understand about this feeling.
1-First of all, the main implication is that it’s an “outward” feeling geared toward someone else (even tough that someone could be a part of self- which we’ll examine that later); but what that means is that we’re “blaming” or putting someone else at fault.
How many times we’ve been angry at our partners, whether it in business, family or at work?
Which means we’re taking our power away and giving it away to that “someone else we are blaming?”
How much control do you have? None really- it’s a feeling and a state of disempowerment isn’t it?
Even in the case of self-blame, this acknowledgement or outlook is a perspective that define us “powerless”; which is not correct. What could happen if we change our perspective at least for once?
2-The second element in the definition of Anger is that it’s a feeling generated by a feedback loop. The feedback loop compared what we think our standard is, what ought to be, versus what happened.
What I’m revealing here is the word PERSPECTIVE, or IINTERPRETATION AND the word STANDARD.
That feedback loop is done between our expectations/standard versus our interpretation of what happened not matching and happy discrepancies.
The bigger the gap, the angrier we get, because our expectation and standards were not met by that “person” (who could be self but not yet realized.
The good news is this there are two variables (Interpretation/perspective and Standards)- We can reevaluate our standards or our interpretation.
The adjustment of either one of this element usually can make resolve the state we’re in and move out that anger.
I hope you see the opportunity at hand. Because the feeling of anger means, our standard has been violated which is a fertilization of change.
What that means our expectation hasn’t been met?
Well we have two choices: review our standards and adjust them (which shouldn’t be the first reflex), and or review our interpretation or perspective of the event.
As the secular wisdom (validated by quantum physics) would say-“if you change the way you look at things, things you look at change”.
We could go on and on about our filters and perspectives which is limited based on our beliefs, value and vision.
So next time when you get angry, it’s really an opportunity for you to act and transform self or the situation.Simply tackle your perspectives or your expectations.
Questions that could help you could be:
1-The reason I am angry right now is because my expectation of xyz…(fill in the blank) was not met by John Doe or by myself. In other word you asking yourself the question “what was my expectation?
That would help you unveil or bring to consciousness what you were expecting, sometimes you might be very surprised when you bring those into light
2- The perspective question is to look at situation from the other person view.
What did the person do? Was it intentional? Whether or not that it was, this question is powerful to walk into the other shoes and be able to understand their perspective. From that view of point you get your power back, because you’re not letting that person lead anymore. Your understanding of that person view will give you power and insight to not only “manage” and lead them, but most importantly to lead yourself.
Next time you get angry, you know it’s time to act and make a change.Be a Judo or Aikido master-transform that anger into momentum and action for yourself; gain your power back!!!